By the time I reached the hospital, I was disoriented. I was not sure what was going on, and all I remember are blurry images of people running around trying to help me. I remember hearing words like, "pack her in ice.. lower her temperature, and emergency c-section." When I felt the ice around my body all I could think of was watching "Little House on the Prairie" when I was a little girl and viewing a young girl being packed in ice, shivering and cold. I did not want to be that girl. To be honest, I do not remember the ice. I did not feel cold. I was so sick I was not aware of what was going on.

I remember my doctor sitting down by my side and telling me we had to take the boys. I was so sick and the babies were concerning them. Their heart rates were erratic and there was concern that they were also getting sick. They needed to be treated, and I needed to get well. They did not think that would happen if I remained pregnant. So at 31.5 weeks, I was wheeled into the operating room to have my baby boys.

Connor James was born first. He came out screaming. Scott said he sounded great, though I could not hear him. I was in and out of consciousness and my mind was cloudy. Aaron Paul came out a minute after Connor. He needed some help breathing and was given some extra oxygen to help him breath. Connor weighed 4.2 pounds and was 17 inches long. Aaron weighed 4.0 pounds and was 17.2 inches long. Scott cut the cord and they were rushed to the Intensive Care Unit.

Once they were delivered and I was closed up, I was transferred to the trauma unit. While there, my blood pressure starting to drop dramatically and my heart rate started racing. I was going into shock. The doctors decided to give me two units of blood and two units of plasma, on top on the heavy antibiotics they were pouring into me. I remember not wanting the blood, but my Mother convinced me it would make me feel better.

While in the trauma center I had some episodes of psychosis, due to the medications. I was not aware of my surroundings or how seriously ill I was. My parents were visibly upset, and I could not quite figure out why. Scott was torn between his ill wife and his tiny sons. It was a difficult time for everyone. Friends came to pray, one of our pastors drove down to lay hands on me. I still did not understand what was going on.

After two days in the trauma unit I was ready to go into a regular room and see my sons. I had yet to see them or hold them. I was feeling better and had a miraculous recovery. The Lord saw fit to heal me and bring me back. Even though the pain of the c-section was worse than I had imagined, I wanted to go see my newborn twins.

I was not prepared to see them. I had never been in a pediatric intensive care unit, and had never seen babies so small. Sure, I had seen them on TV, but nothing prepares one for the reality of such tiny fingers and toes. Compared to many of the other children in the unit, Aaron and Connor looked huge. To me, however, they looked so small.

I never saw Aaron with his c-pap. (oxygen support) By the time I saw him, he was breathing fine on his own. I wanted them to be placed together in an isolette, since I had read that helps them grow. However, that was not normal practice at the hospital. Their isolettes were next to each other, and I would stick my hand in one and hold on to their little fingers. Then I would walk around to the other and do the same. They looked so frail. I was scared to hurt them. All I wanted to do was hold them and bring them home. I knew, however, that they were going to have to stay in the hospital for quite a while. I needed to realize that this was now going to become a home away from home.


Connor James 1 day old


Aaron Paul 1 day old