A very tired Mom! Aaron and Connor are about 6 weeks old

Mommy and Daddy with Aaron and Connor on December 20th



Joel meets his brother Aaron for the first time


We were slowly getting into a routine. I would stay home with Joel during the day and Scott would go to work. I would call the ISCU in the morning to see how the twins did through out the night. I would call again around 3:00 while Joel was napping, and then Scott would come home. We would eat dinner, get a babysitter, and drive an hour to the hospital to visit with the twins. The days started to blur together, since my recovery was taking a long time and my heart was torn between the needs of my 2 year old son and my inability to care for my newborn twins. It was a difficult time in for me. I felt I had failed as a mother, incapable of carrying my twins to term, and unable to meet my son's emotional needs. I spent many hours crying while Joel napped, not wanting him to see my fear and grief.

Joel seemed to sense a change and we decided it would be a good idea for him to go see his brothers. We had yet to take him to the hospital, since we did not want to expose him to the noise and chaos of the ISCU. His sensory issues made him extremely sensitive to sound, and the ISCU is not a quiet place. There are monitors, nurses and lots of babies. Yet Joel knew I had been pregnant, and couldn't figure out where the babies were. Once the doctors said that Aaron and Connor were well enough to visit in the "family room" we decided to take Joel with us one night for a visit.

It was a sweet moment, one I will never forget. After scrubbing our hands and making Joel washed his longer than we ever have, Scott waited in the family room with Joel. I walked into the ISCU and let the nurse know I wanted to take the twins into the family room for more privacy. We took all the leads off Aaron and Connor, wrapped them tightly in blankets, and wheeled them into the family room. They loved to lay together in the basinett, and since that is not the normal policy of the hospital, we tried to do it as much as we could.

As the nurse re-attached their monitors in the family room, Joel just stared at the boys in awe. He was a bit unsure. Once their monitors were back on, Scott picked up Aaron and sat down. I motioned to Joel to go and meet his new brother. Timidly he walked over and leaned across his Daddy's chest, staring down and his new little brother. He was scared to touch him and asked about the tube in his nose. He then leaned over and gave him a kiss on the forehead. We knew then we were going to be okay.

Aaron and Connor spent a little over three weeks in the Intensive Care Unit. Their primary problem was their inability to suck on a bottle. They could not be released until they were able to take all feedings with a bottle. They would suck for about three minutes, then were so tired they would fall asleep. It took too much work to drink all of it. The bottles were so small and they really only had to drink less than an ounce, but that alone was too much for them.

We were surprised when I made my daily call on December 20th and the nurse told me they were scheduled to go home that day. We had no warning. I was scared because Aaron had an apnea episode the night before. I did not feel they were ready to come home, but we could not afford the $3500/day it was costing to keep them there. Once the doctors okayed their homecoming, insurance stopped paying. We had to bring them home.

We needed to bring in two car seats for a car seat check and hopefully bring them both home if they could tolerate the car seats. Some preemies have trouble breathing for a long time sitting up, and that is a concern with a car seat. The nurses place the preemie in a car seat in the hospital and keep him in there for about an hour. They monitor the child to make sure he can breath without difficulty. We knew the twins would be fine, since they had never had respitory problems. In a rush, I called Scott to tell him the boys were coming home and we had to get things ready. They day was mayhem and my excitement could not be contained. We were finally bringing our little boys home!