Scott and I licked our wounds after the infertility fiasco and decided to plunge right into adoption. We knew Scott and his siblings were adopted, so how difficult could it be? I knew someone who worked in a very well-known adoption agency in Chicago and decided to meet with her. After a lengthy conversation, we set up an appointment.

We entered the agency and looked around. It smelled like money. We felt we were in the middle of a spread for Better Homes and Garden. I was expecting Martha Stewart to turn the corner to place a new vase of fresh cut flowers on the antique pedestal table, which sat upon gleaming marble floors. We were definitely out of our element. We are simple people.

We were escorted to an office which once must have been the maids quarters, since it was about the size of my closet. We sat down with a well meaning case worker who asked us some questions. She then proceeded to give us a tour of the agency, including the fully staffed nursery and medical wing. We made a follow-up appointment to see her again in a week.

We met with this case worker over five times. We spent three months working with this agency. We tried to do everything they asked, including classes and book work. However, when we met with our case worker for the sixth time she hit us with a bomb. According to her we were not ready to adopt. Her reason? Scott had never grieved for the loss of his biological parents. He had decided not to search for them, and she felt that was proof that he had never come to terms with his adoption. As an adoptee himself, if would be too difficult to face the reality of having an adopted child.

This was the most ridiculous comment I had ever heard. Scott is one of the most well adjusted men I have ever met. He loves his mother, brother and sister. Sure, he has always been curious about his biological family, but he has never felt the need to grieve for something he never knew. An adoption agency, an organization that should be promoting and encouraging adoption, is denying someone the gift of adoption because they are adopted themselves. So much for encouragement.

We were stunned, hurt, angry, and sad. We could not believe they had denied our application. We were decent, loving, faithful and kind. We had a relationship with God, we were involved in our church, owned our own home, and had pretty decent jobs. (Scott was no longer weather-stripping.) We knew other couples had adopted that were struggling in their marriages, jobs, or parenting. We were denied because Scott was adopted. It was ludicrous.

We decided to take a break from this adoption nightmare and relax in the sun. We took the hard earned money we had ear marked for an adoption and took a trip to paradise. We spent one week in Cozumel, soaking in the sun and drowning our troubles in fruit smoothies. We jumped the waves, took in day trips to ancient ruins, and decided it was time to be romantic again.